lifestyle mom


Lately I am so overwhelmed.
I am not the mom I thought I would be.  Not right now. 
With Mila constantly throwing tantrums and fighting me every second of the day, its hard to deal with. Especially alone.
I don’t have family here to take her when I need a break.
I don’t get date nights or alone time with my husband.
I never get a break. Ever.
Meanwhile, the dishes are piling up and I am trying to keep up with making sure the house is clean all the time. If I dont my OCD will kick in, and the mess raises my stress levels even more.
My daughter is so strong willed. I know I was the same way when I was her age and I have no idea how my mom dealt with it. The past two weeks have took such a toll on me.

Out of nowhere. She has always been such a sweetheart but that sweet side is hiding lately.

I am that mom who LOATHES asking for help. Even for little things.
I feel like I need to do everything on my own and I know it doesn’t help but I cant help it.
I need to take care of everyone else, never taking care of myself.
I don’t want to go to public places because it is a guaranteed battle, ending in her screams being heard on the other side of the store, all because she won’t hold my hand. Or all because she wants to take off running into the parking lot. Every outing this week has been pure hell.
Then there’s me, raising my voice, constantly nagging and begging her to listen.
Being that mom that I always judged and swore I would never be. Bribing my child just to get her to listen to me for 5 seconds. Snapping at my husband for throwing his shoes on the floor in the wrong spot. Just feeling like I am going insane.
My anxiety is at an all time high and what the cuss. What do you even do in this situation? Have any of you gone through this with your toddlers/children? I am out of ideas. I try to be nice and talk her down from tantrums, doesnt work, so I get mean, doesnt work. I feel like nothing works. I am all for any ideas or coping mechanisms you all have, before I move to a deserted island, or hide in the closet for 10 minutes. 
All the feelings. All the stress. All the ‘what the hell?!’s
I need a hug.
And another Red Bull.

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  • Reply
    April 21, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    Mommy time outs are okay too! If you feel the need to "hide in the closet for 10 minutes" do it! When my son was little I would give him two choices, I'd hold out my hands and say, "you can sit at the table and eat your lunch OR you can take a time out" and he had to choose one of the options. Sometimes he chose to take the time out and sometimes he chose to sit at the table…either way, it was his choice. The tantrum throwing is to get attention, and if you stop paying attention to it, they'll start to go away. When she starts to freak out, walk away. See what happens. But most of all, don't forget to take care of YOU!

  • Reply
    April 21, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    oh that's rough, mama! i'm not in the same situation as you as far as no family around, but i can definitely relate to everything being a battle! i don't have any advice, but just wanted to say you are doing a great job! being a mom is tough and it's clear you love your little girl more than anything. i also have an extremely strong willed child, and some days i feel like i need a time out so i don't blow a gasket!

  • Reply
    April 21, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    Oh my gosh girl, Harper is the same way. Everyone keeps telling me it passes and that I will appreciate her strong will when she is older. I have just started letting her throw the tantrum and she will eventually stop and apologize. I think she is realizing it isn't working in her favor. I just walk away. And in public I just ignore it. Most moms and dads have been there. Don't let it hinder you from getting out. I wish I had more advice, all I can say is hugs, and you aren't alone. Feel free to vent to me at any time.

  • Reply
    April 21, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    Sending you lots of love and hugs!

  • Reply
    April 21, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    I'm not a mom, so I'm not going to pretend to give you tried and true advice–I wish I had some, though! I just wanted to let you know that you're doing a good job. You're a good mom and you have a beautiful daughter. It won't last forever, so keep your chin up. XO

  • Reply
    April 21, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    I also have 2 extremely strong willed children one being 3.5 & the other almost 2. I wish I could offer more advice, but honestly I only got empathy for you. I know exactly how you feel. Really my only piece of advice is to give yourself some grace. Parenting is hard! Being a stay at home mom is REALLY hard. It's the job I always wanted & honestly I feel like I'm failing at it more often than succeeding. It does get better though or at the very least it changes. Just remember your doing great & you're an awesome mom! Mila won't remember all your "failures" as a mom, she'll remember how you loved her.

  • Reply
    Dawn @ Life in the Sack
    April 21, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    I can say thankfully, I had a very well mannered son when he was a toddler…and he is pretty darn good as a teen. My nephew though can be very strong willed. I will pass along what they told us to do and try with him. First, structure and consistency is important. Second, give them choices. Example: You need her to get dressed. Don't tell her to get dressed ask her if she would like to wear the red or blue? Then do you want to put in the left arm or right arm? Third, While you are in the middle of options slip in the ok, now put your head in or where you are telling them to do something. Then go back to the options. This has been working quite well so far for the nephew (knock on wood). Of course, remember you are an awesome parent and it will figure itself out in the end.

  • Reply
    April 22, 2015 at 1:45 am

    You are always allowed to give her or yourself a "time-out." I have to do that with my son, Roland, right now because like you I don't get a break either being so far from family. I've literally locked him in his room a couple of times until I had regained my composure to calmly deal with him. You are allowed to do that. And like everyone has already said offering choices really does help. It will give her enough of a sense of control that you will be able to avoid a lot of meltdowns.

    I don't know how Mila is with her speaking, but because Roland has enough of a vocabulary to ask for what he wants whenever he does start to get into that tantrum/meltdown mode I have to remind him "that's not how we get what we want. Use your words please." Sometimes I'll offer word choices too to remind him. It doesn't always work, but it usually works enough to turn a potential hour-long screaming/crying episode into a five minute one.

    Also get that girl to help you clean! It will take forever at first to get certain things done, and she may not help out a lot too at the beginning, but it is a good way to give her more positive attention. There is always something she can do no matter what the chore is. For example, we have a low cupboard that Roland can reach so when we are putting away dishes I let him put away the dishes that belong in there. It's not neatly stacked, but he loves it, and now that he knows what goes in there it's actually enjoyable for me because I'm not doing all the work anymore.

    Hang in there momma! We can make it through this 😉

  • Reply
    May 2, 2015 at 12:08 am

    When Liam throws himself on the floor I pick him up and carry him to his room and set him down and leave. I don't even talk to him while I do it because I know I just want to get mad and a 2 year old doesn't care. I usually go in there and talk to him once he chills out or he will come out on his own, but it seems to help a little. I don't know why, and I don't know who it helps more, him or me. lol. Also, know that everything is a phase. This too will pass and one day you'll long for these days (because you'll kind of forget about the tantrums). Another thing I like to do when the kids are being super turds is indulge in a vice. I prefer packing up the kids in the car and driving to Starbucks. The kids usually chill out in the car and I think I deserve something that makes me happy. I know that's not a ton of help, but it's what helps me. =]

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